I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
