This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
