Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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