the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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