I molested 6 butterflies tonight
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
