What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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