What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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