My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
