this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
