Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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