your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
