The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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