Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
