We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
