Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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