so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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