It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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