First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize