I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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