Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
