I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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