Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
