we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
