Only a mothe r could love this liver
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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