All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
