Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
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