i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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