one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
