Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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