I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
