If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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