Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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