I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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