When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
