oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
