I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
