It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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