i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i can't believe i had my finger in that
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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