Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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