Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
