I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My balls are so social today.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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