Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
