I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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