I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
