I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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