you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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