Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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