A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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