Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
