Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
