A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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