No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
