My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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