Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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