i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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