glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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