My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
