so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
