So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
