Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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