I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
