Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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